Thursday, February 08, 2007


A form of speech peculiar to a people or place. It comes from the latin “idiome” which means a ‘peculiarity in language’. This in rooted in the greek “idioumai” which means ‘I make my own’.

I will make my own idioms.

To dance while the trees are warbling.
To glance sideways at a mouse.
To slide a pebble.
To hassle the grandfather lock.
To make the most of a compost heap.
To graduate in machination.
To cast a fleeting triumph at a teeting fly-umph.
To match a moose with its goose.
To gather together without blathering heather.
To salute your teleology.
To grab the hot cakes now while they’re still too hot.
To found an ill founded argument on an iller still founded barge.
To slip into something “more comfortable” while the comfortable slips into you.
To bad-mouth a stranger for a shilling.
To shiver uncontrollably at talk of tripods.
To spell a word wrong on purpose.
To hail a taxi with a rotten fish.
To defenestrate a book before the last page.
To glare feindishly at Terry Venables.
To practice witchcraft till the cows dissappear.
To flog a mattress with a battered moth.
To grate granite onto your pasta with a diamond raisin.
To pencil futility onto a waif’s eyelids while she sleeps.
To emulate Freud with the butter.
To grease the pan before the yogurt has boiled.
To sit round the fire with a bellicose uncle.
To ride a bed out of bedriddendom.
To mend a broken idiom.
To tend a flock of women.
To alter foreign currency rates with the wave of a hand.
To sneeze on a cabinet minister.
To chesse off a hamster.
To gamble your entire house on a game of pat the mat.
To explore the pabulum.
To take the nails out of a mans hat only to pin them to his overalls.
To gab til noon without a frewn.
To coagulate like milk.
To haggle down dust.
To dust down a haggle.
To dust a bedraggled haggler.
To haggle the dust out of Haggerston.
To mop your brow with a seive.
To seive your brow with a mop.
To reign supreme in the world of onions.
To fart like a rat.
To copulate in clear view of the washingmachine.
To find mockery in your oats.
To fill your pants with glory until theres no summer left in Brighton.
To gallop home without your pathetic winnings.
To osmote.
To grow breasts in your eyes.
To whip frenzy into the monacled.
To skip frenzied into a bollack hole.
To allow oneself a barrel of barley but no pantothenic acid.
To generate one’s own triangle.
To smack Henry in the jaw with a spade.
To-wit-to-woo when you’ve only half a trouser.
To lose yourself in dirty washing before the weekend even begins.

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